Following the recent disclosure of videos showing a duo of brave NYPD officers (led by now famous Anthony Bologna) pepper-spraying peaceful protesters of the Occupy Wall Street movement, the NYPD initially remained silent after announcing an internal investigation (coincidentally or not, the police also sprayed students sitting down at UC Davis).
Today, the NYPD came forward to deny any wrongdoing. In short, this is what they said.
“
We stand by the actions of our brave officer who was forced to defend himself against a group of lunatic girls caught in a police net. The brave Anthony Bologna was fighting for his life as he was under attack by teenagers armed with bad grammar. Although it may not be apparent to everyone how bad grammar can be a life-threatening weapon, all you need to do is look at Hitler. We cannot accept that the lives of our police officers are put to the risk by foul-mouthed Gag-loving sparkly teenagers.”
When asked to why officer Anthony Bologna chose to pursue the running protestors moments after the initial incident when he sprayed three girls caught in a net, the NYPD spokesman said that: ”
One cannot be too safe when fending off bad grammar. It’s like an infection, you need to chase it down and walk all over it until it’s gone. It seems that all the protesters are infected and by God, we will stand pound alongside our beautiful language and protect it from any evil that may befall it!.”
In reply, a spokeswoman for the Occupy Wall Street movement said that in response to the unprovoked aggression, the protesters are rearming with brand new, never seen before grammar mistakes and even some unheard before Yo-momma jokes. The NYPD reaction was to call in the National Guard.
President Obama felt he had to intervene and point out the dangers of free-speech. “If speech is too free, language is going to suffer. Not everyone is trained enough to handle words in a safe and proper manner. We urge all the youngsters out there to leave grammar to the professionals as agreed under the 1976 Non-Proliferation Treaty“.
We remind the readers that the 1976 Non-Proliferation Treaty prohibits the development and use of new words in order to protect the correct grammar of the English language. Currently India, Iran, Pakistan and North Korea are known offenders.
