Journal Entry - Rising
As the last words of my prayer departed from my lips, I could feel the darkness wrapping around me. I was still there, but the blanket over my eyes brought the revelation of my prayer’s acceptance. My Lady was there, I could feel her, stronger than ever. I tried to rise, but the acceptance brought something new.
It was a physical weight that I could feel on my shoulders, pressing me back on my knees. Instantly, I knew what it was … all the responsibility that came along was there, mine to carry. It came upon me like a flaming meteor, resting on my shoulder, coursing through my veins, taking over my mind and my soul. My struggle to tame this overwhelmed me for several moments as I was trying to put everything in is place.
A question thundered in my mind, shattering the fragile balance I managed to achieve in those few moments: “What kind of Paladin would you make if you can’t even defeat the chaos in your mind?” Of course it was Her doing, the very simple matter of the trust bestowed upon me breded the chaos innate to my own being. This was my first task, tame this, find your own balance and then you shall find the balance of the world.
I could not help but think then, think about the Gods and the watch they took over the world. Chiara’s domain crossing over into Ducray’s on a side and to Austerus’ on the other. Death on a side, the Balance on the other. Chaos in the middle. Intricate concepts, being the bricks of a structure the was the strength of this world: the Pantheon … Watcher and Protectors of the World. Who are we then … ? We make their Avatars, First Knights, Advocates, Paladins and Knights … we are their creations and their voices in this world.
A title is not important in itself, it’s a measure of the responsibility and the trust that a Man carries within him. The trust I carry is one of the highest levels of trust … my Lady trust me to do what is necessary at the right time. I am not a Tool, obedient, mindless. I am the secret keeper of the fragile border between Order and Chaos, even more … I am one of those entitled to decide where this border may or may not stand.
I am still kneeling, but my mind has found its own balance.
The Voice in my head speaks again: “Rise”.
I am all but relieved. Once again I feel the passing of time and the world outside the temple. The people around know my name, know who I serve. But only me and my Lady know who I -am-.